"My closest relationship is with my Blackberry. Thank God it vibrates."

Sooo yesterday was Valentine's Day. Wooo hooo. I don't particularly look forward to it that much or make a big deal out of it anymore. I used to love it, but Kyle just isn't the romantic type so I think he kind of changed that about me. I visited him this weekend, even though I felt like I shouldn't have since he had an Ochem exam this morning and needed to study. I also don't have school today so I really wanted to stay an extra night, especially since it was Valentine's Day and all, but he said no, and I get it. So he took me out to dinner Saturday night and then yesterday morning gave me a present (new camera!). Which made me feel a little bad because I didn't get him anything. I really didn't think he got me anything so I wasn't worried about it. Ohhhh well.

So since I was kicked out of Ada early Sunday, I made plans with Jess. It was nice to spend Valentine's evening with her. I got to vent about some stuff which I would otherwise not be able to talk to anybody about. And then we saw Valentine's Day, which I really liked. Better than Dear John for sure.

The cast is outstanding and the plot is really cool. It is a lot like She's Just Not That Into You. There are like 10 little stories occurring and every person seems to be interrelated somehow. And it isn't the typical romantic comedy where everyone ends up with somebody. So I like how it went. There were also some unexpected and quite hilarious moments.

Bradley Cooper and Eric Dane make for a good laugh at the end. Patrick Dempsey plays a huge douchebag which was weird to see because in Grey's he is such a sweetheart. He's a doctor in the movie though, go figure. Ashton Kutcher was adorable, as always. Jessica Alba and Julia Roberts weren't in it much but I loved Roberts' role in the film. I feel like Anne Hathaway broke out of her shell and was histerical. The only bad thing I would have to say is Taylor Swift's acting skills. She was a horrible actress which is sad because I love her music. She should stick to songwriting and singing.

Anyways, I recommend seeing the movie. It's a classic romantic comedy.

Tim Leo...

... is the MAN! Because he's taking me to school Wednesday mornings.

What a guy. :)

Lackkkkk of Communication.

Not being able to talk to your boyfriend about any serious subject matter after 2 and a half years is extremely frustrating. Especially when you're the type of person who used to talk about everything. Keeping things inside is no good for me.

No good.

I don't even have my sisters to talk to anymore. I have absolutely no idea who PJ or Sophie are anymore really. I never see or talk to them. And I barely ever see or talk to Alex or Lina. And I used to talk to Lina every night about EVERYTHING. And I understand that some people aren't good at communicating about things, and I'm not trying to change who they are. But to never, ever talk about anything for real is just so frustrating to me. I think more so now because I don't have anybody else to talk to about stuff.

Sometimes it just makes me feel like he doesn't want to share anything with me. I don't know. I'm probably overthinking everything. It is just hard sometimes. Especially when I'm feeling sensitive due to family issues or something. I feel like I can't really talk to him about it. Because it makes him feel uncomfortable and he just doesn't really say anything. Blahhhh. I am trying to adjust and I was doing well but lately there was just so much stuff I needed to let out and I couldn't.

And then I feel guilty if I say anything about how I feel because he feels like I'm putting him down. And then gets angry. And can be pretty mean and sarcastic when he's angry. And that just doesn't help anything at all.

Hopefully I'll just start having an easier time with everything in my life. And never have to talk to anyone about it.

Back to Reality

Home again and school in the morning. Not looking forward to that. Especially after such a great weekend. I love visiting Kyle and being able to just spend all day and night with him. It's my absolute favorite to wake up in the morning with him pulling me closer to him. :) We never go out or do anything special, just hang out in his room with the television on, fooling around. And it makes me so happy! I go to bed with a smile and wake up smiling. It's such a great feeling. I feel so lucky to have him in my life. I don't know how or why it happened, but he's the best, most amazing person in my life and I have no idea how I would have even gotten through the past couple years without him. I love how just thinking about him makes me feel.

Lovelovelovelove it! <3

Pierced!

I went with Jess so she could get her tragus pierced anddddd I got my nose done! I've wanted a little stud on my nose since I got my belly button done years ago, but have been too scared. She gave me the push I needed, and it looks great! Yayayay! Then we ate pizza and mac and cheese and saw The Lovely Bones. I wasn't too impressed with the movie. I expected something much better for some reason. But it's okay. It was still a fun night with my favorite! :)

Until I called Mr. Kyle. Who seemed to just be in a crabby mood. Or maybe just quiet. And didn't talk. And after 25 minutes said he wanted to go play video games with his room mate and complained about how I took forever to call him. :( Oh well. Hopefully he'll be happier doing that and I will just chill with my little Monica and watch tv until sleep comes.

But I'm still pumped about my nose. Even if he is crabby with me for whatever reason. :)

Too Cool For School.

Ohhhh; classes start in the AM tomorrow. After a month and a half off I am not ready to go back at all. Especially since my scholarship requirments changed and raised my gpa and I anticipate the semester to be difficult. I'm not ready for the stress yet. Or the waking up early to be at school by 8:45.

Yuck.

Homeless.

It's been a year since I left my mom's and came to stay with my aunt and uncle. I was only supposed to be here 4 months and then move to Brunswick with my father. However, a few weeks before I was supposed to leave my dad called me and told me he thought it would be better if I stayed here in Parma. And then my sister and my stepsister moved back in at my dad's. And I ended up staying here way longer than expected.

I feel like such a burden or inconvenience. I've offered to pay some rent but they won't let me. And their marriage is very rocky and my aunt was laid off of work and is currently working a job she hates. And my uncle works two jobs and never sleeps. I feel terrible being here. And I feel like I have nowhere else to go. Hence the reason I am moving to my own apartment this summer.

When my dad found out about it, all he did was put me down. "You'll be evicted. You will starve. You will spend all your savings. This is the dumbest thing you could do." But not once did he offer me a place to stay. Not once has he ever helped me to pay for anything. So what else am I supposed to do? I literally have nowhere else to go. And I can't stay here forever and bother my aunt and uncle. It isn't fair. So I'm trying to do the right thing and am just being put down for it.

I feel like I don't belong anywhere. Like I'm homeless. And it sucks.